“Hey mom, is
it okay if I work Friday 7-9?” I asked. “No, don’t pick up any shifts! I have a
surprise for you but you can’t tell you until 5 tomorrow when were both at
work.”
Wondering
what it could be I sat pondering about all the possibilities. Is it a car or
money? Hmmm, it could be anything! Five could not come fast enough I thought to
myself! But finally the time approached. “Mom, tell me now! I really want to
know!” “Brandee wait five minutes.” She said.
Filling the
cups of water I turned around to my mother’s voice to someone in the hall. I wondered
who it was and a second later my sister walks in with my two month old nephew! Astonished
I screamed, and hugged my sister tight! I couldn’t believe they came all the
way to see me! I asked my mom why she did all of this for me, and she told me
it was because I have been having a hard time and I seem sad all the time.
This
experience showed me that people do care, even though you may not see it or
even feel it. Everyone should be thankful for what they have, and never under
estimate anything.
I know this was a very special moment for you! I liked your use of dialoge! Great story and piece!
ReplyDeleteI remember you telling us this story in class! I know how special this moment was for you and you described it perfectly. I could really tell how excited you were!
ReplyDeleteThis is really good! It was really short, but the emotion of how happy you were was definitely there!
ReplyDeleteThat's a pretty neat surprise. Suggestions to make it stronger: give us a context about where you are and what you are doing. I assumed you were in the kitchen because you are filling up cups of water. Help orientate your reader to your world through description. Nice use of dialogue.
ReplyDelete