Minutes Left

“Grandmas respirations are 15 per minute and her pulse keeps becoming weaker as time fades.” I say to my sister over the phone as I am standing in the halls of the Hazen Medical Center.

“You should really go and tell the nurse that they should put oxygen on her so that she can pass away feeling comfortable.”

“Okay, I will. I will also call you with an update as soon as I hear something new.”

I hung up the phone and walked towards my grandmas room and right as I was in the door way my grandpa stood in front of me and shook his head slowly.

NO! I scream at the top of my lungs. She can’t be gone I was just in here less than ten minutes ago!

It seemed as if at that moment in time my life stopped instantaneously and everything turned to just background noise. I stood beside my grandmas’ bed and I stared at her until the mortician came to take her away. I remember that the only thing I could think about is how happy she must feel to finally be able to be reunited with my grandpa. As I held her hand it become colder as time passed and whatever life was left in her was no longer there. I kissed her head very gently and left the facility to prepare for the next couple of days.

My grandma left the earth that day and even though I would do anything to have her back with us, I know that life is not meant to last forever.

The Unexpected

“Mom, I went to the doctors today and I think I should tell you what they said.” I told my mother in a wary voice.

“Brandee is this really necessary? I am trying to sleep.” She responded very angerly.

“They think my hearts enlarged or that I have an abnormal heart beat and I might have diabetes and im scared mom, I am so scared.”

It all started off three weeks ago it was like any ordinary day; I got up for school and attended classes just like everyone else. I even had the ambition to go to work, but that’s when I knew something was wrong with me. I started to pass waters to all of my residents and I became very short of breath but I didn’t think too much into it and kept delivery waters. Then instantaneously a sharp pain ran right through my chest it felt like a bee stinging me. It happened multiple times in a minute, I sat down and tried to catch my breath so that I could make it to the nurses’ station and tell them I was going home. After I made it to the nurse I had her collect my vitals witch showed that everything was normal. Still not feeling certain that everything was completely alright with me I decided to call my mom and tell her everything that was going on.

I was rushed to the emergency and was given an EKG and had to keep a monitor on my heart. It’s hard to remember every single thing that happened during that period of time because I was in and out of consciousness. The cause, well we really didn’t know this until after a blood test was taken but I have signs that point to hypoglycemia, this is a beginning stage in people that usually have diabetes when they are older. I was sent home that night and was told to check up on my hypoglycemia and that was all I had to do because the blood tests show normal for everything else.

 

Which lead me to telling my mother that I might have an enlarged or abnormal heart beat.

I went back to my check up at the Coal Country Community Health Center the next week after I was in the emergency room and they were curious to what could be wrong with me. They ordered more blood tests which came back normal but I was given a monitor so that I can watch my blood sugar level throughout the day, this means that I have to poke my finger three times daily. But that’s not the beginning of the problem; I have to have an echocardiogram done this week to see if my heart is normal. If it’s not I will have to go through multiple medicines and maybe even surgery.

I don’t think that anything that is happening to me is really bad, I just think that it’s frightening because I don’t know what to expect on a day to day basis. The only thing that I can do right now is to keep my head up and remember that God never gives us too much to handle and life goes on.

 

Always Times of Weakness

There are many things that we expect to get out of life. You want to be loved and accepted by everyone. But, sometimes that’s not meant to be. Everyone goes through life differently and we all are made differently. There are males and females, but that’s not all. There are personalities, which make us who we are and determine what we live for. There are a lot of things that can go wrong through our life span, but there is one thing that is certain: We will all make mistakes. To go through life you have to pick yourself back up and learn from those mistakes. We have to make sure that what we once did will never happen again.                            

We are also going to hurt many people that we love, be it a friend, mom/dad, brother/sister, or grandma/grandpa. We have to make our decisions very cautiously so that we don’t damage any relationships for a full time. If we do during that process we have to grow stronger from that experience and keep on moving. There are always going to be people that will never understand the things that some of us go through.

Some of the things are not just person to person it could be you battling with yourself thinking that you are worthless and that you don’t deserve to live. Well, those voices inside of your head are wrong. You have to shake them away and believe in your heart that you are good enough and there is always going to be a place on Earth for you. You are here for a reason. There are going to be times that you are going to want to hurt yourself, but you have to be a bigger person and get help before that happens. Physical pain is not any better than emotional pain. Once you have done the terrible action to yourself all of that emotional pain will come back and hit a lot worse than it did before. Nothing can stop the pain unless you face it head on and get through all of it because no matter what you do it will always come back.

Life is more than most people think, it takes time to perfect your lifestyle. There has to be times that saying no and getting away from the bad is the way to go. Nothing can save you from life itself but being yourself and never giving up is one thing that will make you live a more successful life rather than moping around. When there are hard times you have to be willing to get through them. If life was easy then it wouldn’t be life. It would simply just be a phase.