I sat beside my grandmothers’ bed, watching her slip away from her body more and more every second. “Grandma” I said “are you excited to see grandpa when you get to heaven?” She mumbled, “I am not excited because he has been here the whole time, he is right at the end of the bed at this moment. He looks different, can I sleep with him?” I felt tingles’ run down and up my spine and then before I knew it I felt a chill. As I held back my tears, I sat there not knowing what to say to that. But before I had a chance to reply, she slipped into a deep sleep that I knew she would not wake up from. I waited for her eyes to open for what seemed to be hours, but it didn’t happen. She was still breathing but just had not been able to regain her consciousness. I knew I could do nothing for her except be patient and let life take its course and make her as comfortable as I could. But as it got late I knew I no longer could sit by her bed, because I had to go home and study for my finals so I kissed her goodbye and left for the night.
I got up bright and early for school the next morning and knew that everything would be okay and that I just had to have faith. First period went by fast and of course it was a Friday so I was super hyper! But once into second period I had a gut feeling something happened. “Brandee are you okay?” said one of my friends. “Yes why wouldn’t I be?” I said in reply. “Your sister posted something on her Facebook that your great grandma passed away.” Instantaneously I got out of my desk and told the teacher that I had to go to the office so I could call my mom and make sure that what I just heard was not true. But unfortunately she did not answer so in tears I told the office ladies that I had to go see my grandma because she was about to pass away and no one will answer and I had to go see her immediately. Running to my car in a panic I drove fast to the nursing home where she resided. The first words I heard after stepping out of my vehicle was “Im sorry for the loss of your grandma Brandee.” I knew right then and there that she was gone and that I wouldn’t be able to get granola bars, fresh carrots, and those hugs she gave me every time I saw her. I ran down to her room and saw my grandma, aunt, and mom sitting by my great grandmothers’ bedside that she was now laying their not breathing but somehow had a smile on her face. I burst into tears yelling, asking why they hadn’t called me and why I had to find out over Facebook. Overwhelmed with grief everyone hugged me close telling me it would be okay and that she is finally happy with grandpa up in heaven.
Finally now gaining control over my emotions I stood beside my now unconscious and not breathing grandmother. I tried not to cry but I couldn’t hold back the tears it wasn’t all because I was sad but also because I was happy, happy that she now got what she wanted. I sat and stared and kissed her hand oh so gently knowing that I couldn’t hear her laugh anymore. I said softly to her knowing that somehow she could hear me “I love you oh so dearly, you made me smile every time we were together. You were the one who understood me and accepted me for everything I am. Take care up there and I will see you later okay? And I promise to always be true to myself.” I kissed her on the forehead and walked out of the room. I sobbed and hugged my mom so close. “Brandee” my grandma said, “I knew Grandma Genny would have wanted you to have this.” As she placed a family keepsake into my hand, I held it so hard it made and indent into my palm. After leaving the nursing home still in tears, I drove and drove because I knew I couldn’t handle going home at least not after what had just happened. I needed to get away and clear my head for a while. Looking up for my steering wheel I saw the sign saying “Now entering Stanton”, I had no idea how I got so far in what seemed to be so little time. I pulled over to the side of the rode screaming, screaming that God cannot do this to me again! I didn’t deserve to go through five deaths in one year. I went to church and I did everything that I was supposed to, I just had no idea why God chose me to have all of this pain. Driving while still sobbing slightly with my window rolled down feeling the breeze and with the music blaring I finally made it home, but for some reason I still couldn’t get out of the car. My body felt numb and I felt as if I was in a whole different world and that I could not accept reality. But after a half hour I made it into the house, automatically my sister gave me a hug saying it will be okay.
Not wanting to be around anyone I decided that instead of dealing with the pain I was going to write a eulogy for the funeral. After two days of perfecting the speech it was time for the funeral. Seeing her lying there with her favorite pair of clothes on and seeing that bright smile upon her face, I felt another chill go down my spine just like when I was there in her room with her the day she said my grandpa was with us. I knew at that moment she was with me, giving me comfort to get through the day. As the funeral started I got up in front of everybody and gave that perfect eulogy that I spent days writing I knew my voice was shaky, but I did the best that I could even though some parts I started sobbing. But I was glad everyone enjoyed the speech, as they complimented me after the service I still felt overwhelmed but I knew that there was nothing else I could do except provide comfort for everyone else.
As we drove out to the burial site were my grandpa was also laid to rest two years before, I saw a bird in the sky. Not only was it a bird but it was my grandmas’ favorite, a black bird with a blue stripe upon its stomach. From that moment on I knew that she was watching over me I took that as a sign that she was okay and that she was and happy where she was. I still felt sadness, but not as much. I know that I did not have to say goodbye to her, because we will one day be reunited in a better place.
